Tough Guy Mountain – The WL14 Interview

Purveyors of: Success.
File Next To: Your files.
Engaging: #WL14 Thursday, February 13 @ The Silver Dollar Room AND Sunday, February 16 @ The Garrison

Toronto’s most evolved and dynamic start-up enterprise, Tough Guy Mountain ®™© is a capable business engine and lifestyle provider for the upwardly mobile dollar fan. Simple, classy solutions for the urbanite on the go. TGM gets it done fast, gets it done quick, gets it done right. Call for your free consultation. Today! 1-800-MAX-IMUM.

I’ve heard you’ve filled the role of Brand Ambassador. Congratulations! Will this affect the consistency and texture of the brandscape?

You can bet that our new Brand Ambassador, Stacie, will be sure to be a viable contribution to Our Brand, and Our Brand is Your Brand. Rest assured that the attributes of the Brandscape will remain Limitless and Soothing.

Four part question. Word association time. Trust building exercise:

a) I say MacBook Tall, you say:
No more Landscape-View Bias.

b) I say PeeFeet Twooze, you say:
Both a solution to Pee, and the Practical Fashion Choice of Tomorrow

c) I say Condomaxium, you say:
Tough Guy Mountain presents: Your Toronto’s Skyline!!

d) I say all of the above, you say:
We pave many roads to satisfaction.

What do you feed your interns? Do they have high life satisfaction statistics?

Tough Guy Mountain Interns are fed a high-performance ground food product wrapped in high-grade sushi rice. They are all about as happy as a typical conceptual artist from the 1960s.

What does TGM consider to be the first rung on the ladder of maximum success? 

Ah, I’m afraid I can only explain that feeling via metaphor. The first step towards maximum success feels like Steve Jobs embarking on a Buddhist Retreat while listening to “Autobahn” by Kraftwerk and wearing Comme des Garçons.

Give us a mental tour of Tough Guy Mountain headquarters if you would be so kind. What is your potted plant quotient?

You should know that we’ve found it most maximally efficient to only house the most hyper-realistic foliage in all TGM corporate offices. Other than that, Tough Guy Mountain HQ is like any other Panamanian Corporate Headquarters. Picture marble arches, a collaborative work space for visiting celebrities, and interns happily milling about, unpaid. All in all, not much more than a few steps ahead of the competition.

How do our audience members become Junior Mountaineers? I am a Junior Mountaineer, so I already know, but tell the other people who don’t know how to become Junior Mountaineers how to become Junior Mountaineers! Also what it is. 

That’s great that you asked that question. A Junior Mountaineer is the first step on the path toward the first rung of the ladder of maximal success. To become a Junior Mountaineer, all you need to do for us is make your initial devotions to the Mountain known by sharing one of our Internet presences/statuses. That’s All. And then, the Interns at Tough Guy Mountain will make you your very own, personalized Junior Mountaineer Badge.

Tough Guy Mountain would like to thank Wavelength, and all our Brandmates, for strolling forever with us in the Brandscape.

Tough Guy Mountain will animate nights one and four of Wavelength FOURTEEN, Thursday February 13 @ The Silver Dollar Room (486 Spadina Ave.) and Sunday February 16 @ The Garrison (1197 Dundas St. W.).