A Vertical Mosaic: THE WL INTERVIEW

The members of Montreal outfit A Vertical Mosaic have experienced puberty together. One can’t imagine it was a pleasant experience, but somehow the group has managed to stick together long enough to mature into an electro-pop loveliness on the edge of the vanguard. Commie Pinko caught up with Edmund and Heidi (the Christine to his John McVie) on the International Network of Computers.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Edmund: This is a little awkward ‘cuz Heidi and I are dating, but what’s a relationship without a little honesty, right? Natalie Portman is my celebrity crush, because she’s obviously hot, not that bad of an actress, but most importantly seems to have her shit together despite her stardom. She only acts part-time so she can stay in school. But who really cares about that stuff? Did I mention she was hot?

Heidi: Well, if we are going to play that game, then Orlando Bloom is the hottest archer alive, also not to mention the way he can mount a horse… mmm…

If you had to sleep with one of the Golden Girls, which would it be and why?

Edmund: I can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to sleep with anyone. Especially an old woman from an 80’s sitcom, but whatever. I would pick the slutty one cause she’s probably the best in bed. I don’t remember her name.

Heidi: Do you mean Blanche? Ew, I totally thought you would’ve said Rose because she’s so cute. If I were a man I would totally do her.

How much time do you spend on your hair in the morning?

Edmund: I take the prize for this one. I definitely have the most elaborate hairstyle out of us all. I spend about 5-10 mins. It’s not that much, but compared to Heidi who just ties her hair back and Ali who I don’t think ever ‘does’? his hair, I’m certainly the fussiest. It seems to pay off though ‘cuz a lot of girls have told me they’ve always wanted hair just like mine. I don’t know if that’s a compliment but I’ll take it.

Can you walk the streets without being groped by rabid fans?

Edmund: Yes. I don’t think we have a single fan, in the true sense of the word. When I think of ‘fan,’? I think of Bon Jovi ‘fans.’? Bands like us don’t get ‘fans’? I don’t think. Our type of audience is too smart for that shit. Heidi was featured in some ‘fuckables’? top 10 list in some local magazine though. That’s pretty celeb-like.

I heard everyone in Montreal is an elitist snob. Does the city pump venom through the water system?

Edmund: Yeah, I totally see that. I kind of like it that way, though I prefer to say we are ‘critical’? and ‘discriminating’? about art. I don’t know how geography can play a role in this though, so I blame the French. Snooty bastards!

Is it true that francophone girls are easy?

Edmund: Hmm… not that I’ve noticed, seems to be some kind of anglophone urban legend. It must be a ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’? kind of thing. But in this case, it’s chicks instead of grass and sluttier instead of greener.

Heidi: I’m sorry to say this but I am going to have to agree with this one. I went to a French elementary school and we were apparently more ‘sexperienced’? cause we were already making out in the fifth grade. When I switched to English in high school, I was shocked to hear that many people hadn’t had their first kiss yet.

Can you hook me up?

Edmund: Yes.

Heidi: You can eh?

What does your mother think about all this?

Edmund: My mom always says we sound like Suede, which we don’t, but I still think it’s pretty awesome that I have a Mom that knows who Suede is.

Heidi: Both my parents wish I’d become a doctor or a lawyer or basically something reputable that makes lots of moolah.